Stories from Work

I have no idea if these will come across as amusing on paper as they did in person, but I still want to record them for me.

These two hysterical guys come in, probably about 18 & 20 years old.

Guy 1: "I need to buy a rose. Maybe one to put in my teeth."
Me: "Oh, okay, do you have a specific color in mind?"
Guy 1: "I'm not actually going to put it in my mouth."
Me: "Alright, well, do you have a specific color in mind?"
Guy 2: "I'm thinking about buying a rose too! For my ex girlfriend."
G1: "Dude, don't cry on me again."
G2: "I'm not gonna cry! Do you think I should buy a rose? Do you think I should?"
Me: "I have no idea, I have no idea what your relationship was."
G1: "Dude, you're gonna cry. Don't do it man, don't do it!"
G2: "I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna buy her a rose!"
G1: "Fine. I just want a red one."
G2: "Should I do it? Should I buy a rose?"
Me: "Well, if you would like to, again, I'm not sure what happened...."
G2: "Well, see, it was sort of both our faults. Can I just tell you the story?"
Me: "Sure...."
G1: "Dude. Don't cry."
G2: "I'm not gonna cry! Should I get pink or white? What do they mean?"
Me: "Well, traditionally pink will mean like a first love, or that you really like someone. White usually stands for innocence."
G2: "Innocence? What does that mean?"
G1: "Like virginity, man!"
G2: "Do I want that one then?!?!"
Me (trying to keep it all together): "I don't know! I don't know the context of your relationship. It also stands for purity."
G1: "Oh, purity. I'm sorry. That's a much better way of saying it."
Me: "You're safe with pink or white."
(ten minutes later)
G1: "Dude. We have to go. I'm gonna be late! Stop filling out that card!"
G2: "No! I have to get it right!"
G1: "It doesn't even matter! Girls never read the card!"
G2: "Do girls read the card?"
Me: "Yes, actually, that's---"
G2: "Aha! See! Girls read the card!"
G1: "No, they don't, she's lying to you! Get in the car! Finish it in the car!"

Different scenario.
Guy: "So. I need to buy a rose."
Me: "Alright, did you have a specific color in mind?"
Guy: "Um.... I mean, I know there's red, but...which one stands for 'I made a mistake.'"
Me: "Oh, well (listing off several colors.....)"
Guy: "Which one?"
Me: "Well, it sounds like you didn't want red, since it traditionally stands for love--"
Guy: "But I do love her!"
Me: "Oh! Oh, I'm sorry sir, I misunderstood! Red, pink or white. Red, pink or white will be fine. 

Aaaand for the finale I would have never believed this following conversation actually happened if it hadn't actually happened to me. This morning. 
While calling to congratulate winners from our recent open house.  (Names changed to protect the ....innocent?)
Me: "Hi, is this Jason?"
Guy: "No, I'm sorry, you have the wrong number."
Me: "Oh, I'm sorry! I'll -"
Guy: "But I'm glad you called the wrong number."
Me: "Oh, I uh...."
(silence)
Guy: "My name's Michael!"
(silence)
Me: "Oh, uh, hi Michael.... Um...."
(silence)
Me: "Alright, I'm sorry I called the wrong number! Goodbye, have a nice day!"

(And since I've been asked, no, I did not try to redial the phone number. I made someone else call later. Just in case.)